‘Looked tired’: Cleary reveals why Gould sacked him from Penrith
Ivan Cleary is the Penrith coach you see on TV hugging his famous son Nathan and flashing four NRL premiership rings.
An undisputed champion leader of young men, Cleary steered the Panthers to a historic fourth consecutive title last Sunday night, a remarkable feat that his rivals can only dream of.
The images we could never imagine are of Cleary struggling to get out of bed, weighed down by depression and wanting to give it all up.
For the first time, the 53-year-old has gone where it makes him feel uncomfortable, wanting to show that he’s far from infallible by speaking publicly about his mental health struggles in a passionate bid to save the lives of Australian men.
“The thing about men is, we just don’t talk about depression,’’ Cleary said.
“You feel like you’re a failure if you do.
“And you know, there’s this thing that you’ve got to be strong enough to be able to carry the can and get through it.
“I’m going to talk about men in this instance, where they have this responsibility to be the breadwinner for their family or just have other struggles in their lives.
“But it doesn’t mean you’re not resilient and or not tough, just because you need to talk it through.
“And often just talking about it actually helps, you realise that other people are going through it and, and that can sometimes just give you the kick along to keep going.
“I love the movement of particularly men, where even locally here we have in Penrith, the men’s walk and talk mental health association that’s been really building over time and helping so many guys get through this.
“It’s just something I think we all need to talk more about.
“I wasn’t keen (to discuss this) because it is obviously very private and personal, but it’s so relevant to so many people.
“We’re starting to talk about it more, and I think that’s important. I was struggling big time.’’
Weighed down by the pressure of failure, unable to communicate his feelings or cope with the unrelenting scrutiny of his high-profile son, Cleary recalls not being able to get out of bed.
“I actually started taking antidepressants,’’ Cleary said.
In May, 2019, just two months into his first season of a five-year contract at Penrith, Cleary felt like his life was unravelling.
A reserved, insular and private character, Cleary hid the mental torment from his players.
But with a front-row seat to her husband’s pain, it would take the encouragement of his wife Bec for the four-time premiership-winning coach to seek help.
“I recall not wanting to get out of bed a couple of times in my career before that, so it was starting to dawn on me what I was experiencing,’’ Cleary said.
“I was getting some awareness that I actually needed help.
“I actually ended up looking back (at my life) and realised that I’d (previously) felt signs of depression. I was struggling big time.
“One of my brothers helped me. He’d been through a lot in his own personal life and obviously my wife was constantly talking to me about it.’’
The catalyst was Cleary’s move back to Penrith following a “messy” two-year stint at the Wests Tigers in 2017-2018.
“There was so much scrutiny and it certainly wasn’t positive.
“I think we’d lost six in a row and we were on the bottom of the ladder.
“I was in the first year of a five-year contract. I honestly didn’t feel like I was the right man for the job, which was a lot to deal with because of how much I wanted to come back and how much it felt right.
“But just that whole thing around the messy exit from the Tigers, plus we were going a lot worse than what the club was previously before I came back.
“If we didn’t succeed in 2020, I was going to give it away.
“Honestly. I wasn’t going to take the money to keep going. If we didn’t succeed in 2020, I clearly wasn’t the right man for the job.
“The relationship with Nathan and my coaching of him wouldn’t have been working and I didn’t want to burden his career on that as well.
“At the time, I would have (walked away from the game). I don’t know where I would have gone next, I really wasn’t worrying about the future.’’
Cleary says that by speaking openly to his wife, brother and health professionals about his struggles, he no longer felt alone.
The pressure also began to subside when the team managed to find consecutive wins.
From his battles, Cleary said he has used his dark times as experience to encourage both Nathan and the entire Panthers team to find their voice when they too, are struggling with the pressure from fans, social media and family expectations.
“I’ve tried to be open about it (mental health) with our players. As a club, we try to share vulnerabilities like that,’’ Cleary said.
“Social media is such a big thing for players. I’m not on it.
“I can’t fathom how you can navigate that. Nathan’s been open about it himself, about going through his own troubles.
“He even said that he was paralysed at times by fear of other people’s opinions and how they were seeing him play.
“He was playing games and even during games he’d sometimes be thinking about what people would think about what he’s just done.
“It’s been a real learning curve for him with experience.
“It’s great to see him growing as a man in that sense.
“And not just him.
“I think it’s no fluke that some of these performances that our boys have had in pressure situations have been part of all that growth to be able to handle that sort of pressure, not just on the field, but through social media and other people’s expectations and opinions.
“That growth too, to see those guys handling that, which helps in their own lives, their family lives, bringing up their kids is crazy, it’s pretty cool.’’
Cleary claims that his 26-year-old son, the champion Penrith halfback, still hasn’t played his best football.
“No way,’’ Cleary said about Nathan.
“I think he’s played his best football of his career this year, he just hasn’t had that much of it (due to injuries).
“I know he was really looking forward to being part of the State of Origin series this year and obviously missed that, so I think that’s definitely something he really wants to be a bigger part of next year.
“He’s putting more into his game than he ever has, in terms of his understanding of how his body works, getting himself prepared, it’s exciting times.
“His life off the field is changing and that’s good for him as well.’’
Cleary said that he’s in awe of how Nathan and his partner, Matildas star Mary Fowler, have navigated their relationship to a backdrop of mass public interest.
“He’s done an amazing job. Both of them have,’’ Cleary said.
“It was pretty crazy at the start, when they’re getting chased by paparazzi.
“They’ve somehow been able to control it all at their own pace.’’
Nathan flew to England on Friday to spend time with Fowler where she’s playing with Manchester City, before returning home for shoulder surgery.
Asked if Nathan was any chance of joining Fowler in the UK long-term, Cleary laughed: “Who knows? But not in the near future, no.’’
The flags and streamers are still flying high in the suburbs of Penrith with a neighbour just two doors down from Cleary’s home sporting a huge poster of Nathan’s head on their garage.
From celebrating long and hard with the players and their families, to a club presentation night and coaching staff-only drinks in The Rocks, Cleary also spent five hours signing autographs for 2024 premiership memorabilia on Wednesday.
Cleary had coached the Panthers between 2012 and 2015 before GM of football Phil Gould decided that he “looked tired” and needed to be sacked.
In his soon to be released book, Not Everything Counts But Everything Matters, Cleary explains how he only agreed to return to the Panthers on the premise that Gould had none of the control over him that existed during his first stint as Penrith coach.
Cleary speaks openly about his fallout with Gould.
Cleary salutes Gould for all he did for Penrith, but reveals how their two-decade relationship deteriorated, which culminated in his sacking in 2015, then reached an all-time low when Cleary returned to the Panthers.
Cleary says he felt Gould was trying to undermine him when on TV, the former Panthers boss explained why he wanted Wayne Bennett and that he had nothing to do with Cleary returning to Penrith.
“He did so much good for me, but he hurt me too,’’ Cleary writes.
Cleary also reveals he hasn’t spoken to Gould since mid-2019, although he admits that he would have no issue engaging with the Nine commentator if their paths did cross.
Despite the club agreeing to Cleary’s request that Gould have zero authority over him, Cleary hit rock bottom in that first season back at Penrith, with his team managing just two wins from their first 10 matches.
It almost broke him, admitting that it led to thoughts that he may walk away from the game altogether.
“That was extremely hard for me at that time in my life,’’ Cleary said.
“Leaving the Wests Tigers and basically telling them that I wanted to leave, it still doesn’t sit that well with me.
“Although 100 per cent it was in my heart that I wanted to come back. It was an easy thing for me to want to do, but it was a difficult situation.
“I remember my wife saying a couple of times, ‘Why don’t you just stay (at the Wests Tigers), it’s all too hard (to return to Penrith).
“And I’m like, yeah, it’s like it is this calling, you know?
“I still feel so grateful that (former Penrith chairman) Dave O’Neill asked me for coffee that day and really put his own reputation on the line because it was controversial.
“When I came back initially, things weren’t working out.
“Nathan wasn’t playing well, I felt guilty about that.
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